★ preparation ★

huhu~ convo day i s approaching
2day i wil go to take my convo grown
after that shopping with stephy pink
bbq plaza~~ yummy yummy!
buy a BLACk high heels
cut hair~~ new look!
buy the hair care... yeah!
this will cause me a lot of $$$
but no choice..
in life i just have one convo
so i hope i will have a wonderful convo
this will be a sweet memories for me

★operation ★

finally mum have decide to go for the operation
thank god
i just hope mum will not so suffer le..
she burn me, my bro and sis..
now is time to cut off the uterus
damn sad for it
the operation will be on thrusday 26 August 2010
hope mum will be okie soon
all will become better and better

★ heart broken ★

-Day 1-
waiting mum outside the hospital room
keep thinking on how my mum condition right now
really hope to be there will her
but the doctor there no allow me to stay inside
i wait for there for 2 hours..
from many people until no people
from no people to people
the feeling is worse..
i worry that i will lose her..
when seeing mum walking out
i feel so sad
i like can feel her pain
when back to the home...
she laid on the sofa painfully
after eat the medicine
she feel unwell and vomit out all the medicine
i really cant help her anything
keep praying to the gods that hope mum will be okie
that nite i really cant sleep
mum totally no slep at all..
because the stomach is so pain..
she so suffer..

-Day 2-
early in the morning
i fetch mum to the nearest clinic
because yesterday she vomit out the medicine
so that we scare the medicine are not suitable
then the doctor give us a letter to go to KMC in ALor Setar
we rush there quickly
i dun wan to lose any time
i just hope mum can faster recover
no pain anymore
the doctor there is nice
seeing mum so suffer with the stomach pain
quickly check her 1st
give her a "suntikan" to tahan sakit
mum just can release her pain after the treatment
after that have to go for CT scan
it cost RM400
after all the treatment
we refer back to the doctor
he tell us what is the reason mum feel so pain
health is important
i want mum to be healthy like usual
i will take care mum until healthy
hope operation can be done quickly

★ Emotional ★

i hate that her attitude..
i hate to see her face..
i hate the way she talk..
i hate her like look down on me..
i hate everything of her..
i m simpan $ to give her back...
i dun wan to own her..

♥ apa ni ♥

suling is super duper tired..
nobody understand me...
how suffer am i... who noe?
i just din show in my face..
doesn't mean i no care...
i m sad...
smile just a cover page..
life is so suck for me...
many burden in my shoulder..
until i doesn't noe how to count..
finding job, waiting for the call..........
this all become my daily activities...
until when i can get what i want
i need money...
not for fun or use else for useless thing
need it to help my family~~!
i m so useless!!
i am very very unhappy with the situation right now..
how to do?
just can have a better changes~!
i m try to pretend...
actually i m not that strong

♥ wuwu ♥

recently i really like to cry
when think that why the bank haven call me for 2nd interview
why why why?
the tear will straight away drop..
maybe i m too stress..
and i like to think so much..
what if i no get the call from the bank
what is my next plan?
i myself also dunno
seeing papa no work..
hearing mama everyday talk of $$$$
i really feel like~~~
i m sad actually....

♥ confusing ♥

day pass by day...
week pass by week..
i become more emo de..
i like lose of my direction..
why i m doing nothing right now?
what should i do?
who can help me?
how i cant get the job?
where is my soul?
feeling so "wu zhu"
god please help me~~!
i cannot keep like this ~.~